Life

BLACK LIVES MATTER.

Our family, friends and children need us.

“Although I will never understand, I stand.”

As a mother to a beautiful biracial baby girl, I felt the dire need to speak out on the horrific chaos that the world is enduring.  My heart breaks to know that so much hate still exists and has since the beginning of time.  It kills me to watch these stories unfold…. To know that I will never understand what it’s like to leave home with an underlying fear based on the color of my skin, but to somehow comprehend that this is the reality of so many. I will continue to do my part by advocating and demanding change.  We all see color, and it’s time that everyone defend the power, strength and beauty behind it.  I pray that justice will continue to be served, and that one day, equality will become the actuality of our existence.

With that being said, I’d like to now focus on a lighter topic for us mamas… those no good, very bad days that we probably all know too well. We are blessed to experience times that are full of smiles, sunshine and amazement as to how much our children are growing and learning… but it’s inevitable that every so often we get dealt a day that we wish would just end.

If you’ve ever seen the movie Bad Moms, then you know how relatable the entire storyline actually is! All day everyday, we try our absolute best, in hopes we are doing everything necessary to keep those sweet babies smiling. But we are allowed to have moments. Moments of tears, frustration, impatience, exhaustion and guilt. It is important to recognize that these moments do not define us, and that it is not only completely normal, but is expected.

Maybe your little one is a bit more fussy than usual and you are jammed with work or things to do around the house, that you find yourself getting upset too quickly. Or maybe you’re dealing with something personal that’s consuming your time, and you haven’t been as present or hands on today as you would’ve liked. Whatever the case may be, there are going to be many times where we feel as though we could’ve been better or done things differently.

Teething was quite the experience for us, as my sweet Mila turned into a completely different baby! She didn’t sleep, would often cry, and refused to be near anyone except mommy. Other mother’s tell you stories about what it’s like when the little ones begin to teeth, but you don’t truly understand until you have someone glued to your hip 24/7 that you are unable to put down without an immense amount of screaming… and because of this, I often found myself to be much more irritable. Being that I stay at home with her and am rarely alone, these were some very rough, long days. It was extremely tricky to get anything done… schoolwork, cleaning, cooking, laundry, or even just a shower; that sometimes I needed to take a step back and soak in a moment for myself. But even after taking just minutes, I would feel immediate guilt. Guilt for my impatience, and guilt for walking away when my baby needed me!

There have also been days where I’ve been far more distracted than usual, especially recently. Both of my grandfathers’ passed in a matter of just three short weeks from one another, and it’s been pretty rough. There were days where things seemed much quieter around the house and despite trying to “fake it to make it,” I struggled. As chaotic as 2020 has been, things just continued to pile up and I was beyond emotionally drained. (As I am sure we ALL are.) I’ve had many moments filled with tears, sadness and just an overall low energy, but I do my best to keep positive and pick right up wherever I left off.

As mommies, we are going to have bad days! There are going to be times when we need the world to stop revolving around those sweet faces for just a second, so that we can take care of ourselves! We also need to remember that those babies love us to infinity and beyond… so in those moments of frustration, impatience, exhaustion or guilt, always keep in mind that we are absolutely perfect in their eyes!