We Made a Mistake

It’s February 16th, 2020.  Daddy surprised us and was home with his girls for an entire week.  As you can imagine, we were all over the moon. We did the best we could as a family to make up for missed time.  He secretly booked a private loft only five minutes down the street so we could feel like we were on vacation too.  It was a very special time and we soaked up every moment.

Just a few days before daddy was off to Europe again, the two of us discussed something that we had been contemplating for a while.  Ear piercing.  We decided that if we were going to get her ears pierced, it would have to be done at a time where both he and I were there together.  Out of curiosity, I called her pediatrician’s office to see if they had any available time slots before the end of the week.  

February 20th.  Appointment day.  

They managed to squeeze us in, and although I felt much more comfortable knowing her doctor would be the one to do the piercing, I started to feel my nerves build up.  I was so sure about this, but when we pulled into the parking lot I began to feel an immense amount of guilt. As we got out of the car, I thought about how fast it would go and that she would forget about it minutes later… so we went in.

When we were called into the room, her doctor explained to us how things would go. Instead of a typical gun, they use a needle that has to be manually pushed through.  Although I was aware of this procedure, I did not know how much slower the process would be. Her daddy sat in the chair directly across from the doctor. Mila was on his lap and already upset about having her head being held in place to mark the spot where the needle would go through. I kept telling myself that it’ll be over before we know it and she won’t remember a thing.  Once everything was set up, it was time.

Screaming, screaming and more screaming.  My heart sank into my toes. Piercing her right ear alone lasted what felt like an eternity. I scooped her into my arms moments later and squeezed her.  Once the doctor was ready, we sat her back on daddy’s lap to finish her left side. The earring wasn’t attaching properly which prolonged the process even more.  The experience was nothing like I anticipated. I knew that she would cry, but I did not know it would be like this. The moment I was able, I grabbed her and she melted into me. We got into the car. Her daddy and I just looked at each other, both unsure of what to say.  As we drove off, I sat next to my angel in the backseat who was already sound asleep. She had my finger wrapped tightly inside her little hand, and I just stared with utter guilt. 

We stopped at a nearby store to pick up a few last minute items before heading home. I didn’t want to disturb Mila from her nap, so the two of us waited in the car while daddy ran inside.  Moments after he left, I burst into tears. I felt like I failed as a mommy for the very first time. I was so regretful. How could I have made such a big mistake?

Shortly after we got back home, Mila woke up from her nap with the biggest and brightest smile.  I picked her up, she laughed and played as though she had no idea what happened just an hour ago. Seeing my baby roll around the floor, playing peek-a-boo with daddy reassured me that everything was okay.

I know, I know, I sound a little dramatic.  What I’m trying to get at is, as moms we are constantly questioning whether we are doing the right thing.  Every move we make, we wonder if it’s a good move for our babies. Although my Mila is still young, my mind is constantly racing…   

“Am I doing enough to help her learn developmentally?”

“Is she hitting all of her milestones?”

“Cuddle during naptime or should she be in her crib?”

“Should I have done that differently?”

“What could I be doing better?”

The list goes on…  I know that as a mom, I am going to make lots of mistakes.  I know that things won’t always be perfect and that I will not always get it right on the first try. I’ll double think many decisions and sometimes wish I had done things differently. But I also know that I’ll always do my absolute best to make my daughter proud. I must say, the earrings are definitely adorable and I do love them now. However, if I ever have another little girl, I think it’s safe to say we’ll be waiting until she’s old enough to ask so mommy doesn’t have to go through that ever again!